Life Happens

I don't know about any of you (are any of you still out there - it's been so long) but I can be inclined at times to think way too much. And this has even been independently and objectively confirmed. When we lived in K-town, I worked at an online career development company and had lots of access to different personality and aptitude testing. Okay, it's perhaps a little less objective when you have access to the code, you're providing all the answers yourself and can take the test over and over. But when we were candidates for MAF, we did a fairly extensive personality assessment, with evaluations from different people who knew us. It was one of those four quadrant systems and I landed securely in the thinker's corner: Analytical-Analytical.
So when it comes to the big things in life, I rather like to take in all the info I can and weigh it all out. Pray about it, too, for sure, but the point is I like to be pretty sure of where I'm going and my best options for getting there. But sometimes, while I'm busy processing the data and mapping out the alternatives, life happens.
And life is exactly what happened about eight weeks ago, though it took us awhile to figure it out. It was three and a half weeks ago now that we learned, quite unexpectedly, that that same life was then five weeks along as the doctors count, and growing inside me. There've been some hurdles to overcome, and it's not been an easy three weeks emotionally, but a second ultrasound yesterday showed, unofficially, that everything seems to be on track.
Naturally, I'm back to thinking and processing all the new implications, but I reached a few conclusions pretty quickly. One of the biggest questions I was thinking, debating and praying about over the last number of months was whether I'd be able to handle another. Becoming mama to Tweetie's been a wonderful experience so far, and I certainly wouldn't go back for a minute, but it's also been incredibly hard on a lot of levels. The nature of this pregnancy cries out divine intervention, so I take great hope from the thought that God seems to think we can handle it. And since we made no active decision and did nothing to help this along (ok, well obviously we did something, but let's not get into those details) I can't spend the next months and years second guessing that choice.

So, there you have it. Life happens, often when and how we least expect it. And if all continues to go well, Tweetie will be a big sister next year, and there'll be a whole new wave of pregnancy and motherhood flotsam washing up on the coast in the meantime.

getting away

The Bear and I were never particularly good about date nights. Not that we never went out or spent time together, but a lot of that time was spent just doing stuff. I look back fondly on some great conversations at Home Depot. And we'd go for dinner often enough, but it was usually more a matter of not wanting to cook (or shop first and then cook) than a conscious effort to enhance our relationship. Birthdays and anniversary always warranted a nice dinner, and everything else was just whatever happened.

Needless to say, our track record since we've been parents has not improved. Tweetie has thankfully always been pretty good company, and, unlike some of our parental peers, she's come out with us to a number of places on different occasions. But that doesn't allow the one-on-one time without distractions or interruptions of a real date night. Tweetie's a little over a year now, and I can count on two thumbs the number of times we've been out by ourselves. I think I blogged about both, but for a recap, there was the time in February we were on the mainland and came back late to my mom's place, put Tweetie to bed, and realizing we'd forgotten to stop for food, spontaneously decided to leave T in bed (with my mom also sleeping in the next room) and go out for a late sit-down bite by ourselves. Then there was our anniversary, where another mom from my block took Tweetie for a couple of hours while we went out for dinner.
We had planned an outing a few weeks back on the Bear's birthday, but plans changed when his family came over to visit and we all went out together for a nice japanese teppan dinner. We tried to reschedule our private night out, but I dropped the ball on booking the sitter and it turned out to be one of those few nights when Tweetie didn't make ideal company - partly due to the most unhelpful nature of the restaurant we chose - with the result that it was anything but a relaxing night out.
But tonight we execute on a plan hatched months ago. It started when they announced the Police were doing a show in Vancouver. The Bear really wanted to go, but he was out of town, so he asked me to try and grab some tickets when they went on sale. We were sadly denied, with the tickets being sold out in very short order. But then Blue Man Group came up on the radar, and they were playing here in town, and while they're definitely not the Police, they do promise to put on a very entertaining show , of a nature that appeals to a tinkering guy like the Bear.
So, tonight's the night. Our sitter will arrive at 6:30, we'll brief her on what's where and the routine, and we'll be off to go do something, just the two of us, for a whole evening. The Bear's so excited about seeing the show that I've actually got him doing housework for me! But don't tell him I told y'all. I'm looking forward to the show, but it probably would matter much less to me what we were doing. To be doing anything just for entertainment without having to multitask the child minding off to one side will be a welcome change for a few hours.

Chicken Little

We have a few very special friends whom we can count on for just about anything. If things go really crazy, they're the ones that get the call. Or the desperate e-mail. Whether it's minor emergencies, major crises, or just tough situations and decisions that leave us feeling a bit over our heads, we can send up a prayer flare and know that they'll be going before the throne of God along with us, from wherever they are. Not surprisingly, these are folks that have been there on the ground with practical support, too, when that's what was needed.
Sometimes, as I'm reaching yet again for the flares, I can't help but feel a bit like Chicken Little, running around again, telling everyone the sky is about to come crashing down around me. Maybe it's the world we're in that tells us we should be ever more self-sufficient, take care of anything that comes up at home from within those same walls. I was definitely raised to be self-sufficient. Don't become too dependent on anyone, they might not be there when you need 'em.
So it's taken a lot of time to learn to reach out for that support. And our friends have been most patient with us. There've been a lot of flares fired their way in the last few years. Some of those things seem very small now, but perhaps that's because there were good friends alongside us. Certainly some of those things I couldn't see us having come through without them, at least not without some major scars. And if every now and then, perchance, I get a tad trigger-happy on the flare gun, they've been more than gracious and never let on.
Thanks.

Reunion...

I've some catching up to do. I've posted nothing since I went back to work, apart from the pictures post for Shirtless, which took nearly two weeks to get done. As such, this post is going to incorporate a lot of rabbit trails. If I tried to break it up into neat and tidy individual posts, you'd never get most of it.
My first week back was carefully crafted to be a somewhat easy start. It was a short week, and I didn't yet have a project assignment, so I worked from home catching up on admin type stuff like a year's worth of e-mail and password changes. Of course, putting in a full day's work with a little one at your feet tends to take a day and a half, but it was still a good thing, as we didn't have anyone to watch her, yet. By the third day, a colleague I'd worked with on a previous project had tracked me down for something new. So that afternoon I went in to the office for a couple of hours while the Bear watched over Tweetie.
That first trip in without her felt very strange, even alien, and I was very glad it was just a few hours before I could go home again. But it was also good to finally do it. To put on the professional attire, get all the bits together, hop on the bus and go to work.
I had the Thursday and Friday booked off, as we had company coming through, and then we were headed for K-town for a surprise birthday party. As things often are, it was not the weekend we had planned. We got word halfway there that the Bear's mom was on evacuation alert for forest fires in her area. With minimal information, and a lot of stirred up emotions from our own encounters with the firestorm a few years back, we opted to drive straight through (after a brief but greatly appreciated stop for food at the Martens' desert oasis) so the Bear could help out with evacuation preparations and some work around the property to reduce the risks. So we got in in the wee hours Saturday morning. The Bear was already planning to come that way after the weekend, and we figured with T along, I was more likely a liability sticking around, so after some sleep I turned around and headed back to K-town with Tweetie.
Or so, we thought. We were all loaded, and I put the key in. The Bear was just beside the car waiting to wave good-bye, but a sound like a hard drive about to implode greeted us from beneath the hood. After some poking around, he identified a fan, but couldn't get in to do anything about it. Calling ahead, he spoke to our dealer in Kelowna, and made arrangements to have someone look at it as soon as I got in. I drove direct to Turner Volkswagen, with one eye on the temperature gauge the whole way, and got there half an hour before closing. To make a long story short, these guys are AWESOME. Not only did they fit me in and identify the problem, but knowing I was here from out of town, couldn't make the drive home without the fix, and that parts would likely take a few days, they had not one, but two of their fine mechanics stay late. Like a transplant operation, one guy extracted a healthy new part from a car on the lot, and the other removed the damaged organ from our car, then they hooked the new one in, tester her, and I was ready to go. On a long weekend. And all under warranty - no fuss, no hassle. Three cheers to Sean Miller for making it happen.
So, we missed B's surprise for her 60th, which was a bummer, but the car didn't melt down on the Coq, on my way home with a teen and a baby, which is very nice. Tweetie and I stopped by on Sunday to pass on our wishes to B, whose house was still full of visitors from near and far. And we still fulfilled the other mission for the weekend, which was to pick up the Goddess' daughter, Thing One, who would be keeping an eye on Tweetie for us in August. The holiday Monday was spent showing Thing One the ropes before heading back for week two.
My second week at work felt way too long. I had put in the paperwork to switch to an eighty percent work week on my return, but it hadn't been approved yet, so I was still putting in full days. I was thankful, though, for getting into a good, interesting project that kept my mind busy. One of the oddest things that week was getting into the car and driving back and forth to work alone. I kept wanting to check the back seat for Tweetie. I've so rarely gone anywhere in the last year without her that it felt like I was forgetting her somewhere when I didn't buckle her in before pulling away.
Overall, I think I did better than I thought I might, as did Tweetie. She's hardly fussed at all when I've headed out in the morning. Somewhere in me there's a little disappointment ("She doesn't even miss me"), but truly, I have no desire to visit the alternative. As it turns out, she may be missing me more than I thought, as the Bear's suggested it might be part of the trouble we've had lately at bedtime.
On the weekend, we went to the library, saw my neighbour's show at the Deluge gallery, plus a couple of other galleries, and did some of the usual weekend catchup.
This week was the first of what ought to be 'normal' weeks. My part-time status was approved (Hallelujah!), so I worked five shorter days between two locations. Thing One was happy to have her days shortened up a bit, too. And, Thursday afternoon, the Bear made it home again from his mom's, and as I pulled in from work, the big red truck was still idling in the driveway as he pulled open the gate. Tweetie'd been missing the man in the phone, so to get a good bear growl in person made her very smiley. I got food on the go, leaving the two of them to catch up a bit, and very much enjoyed listening in as the Bear found his Dr. Seuss voice.
In fact, one of the best things about my whole, crazy summer has been watching the Bear breaking in his Papa shoes. As Tweetie has developed more into a little person, one that crawls and stands and babbles and giggles and explores and listens, he's been finding his feet in the world of parenthood. It took a long time for him to start to feel comfortable with her, and with being responsible for her, but God's gracious and took him there gently when he was most needed. As I've stepped back into the world of work, he's stepped up to the plate, taking on her care as needed and finding other ways to make all our lives smoother. And it's been wonderful, even in the couple of days since he's been home again, to have him backing me up when things get crazy in the evening.
I couldn't ask for more, except maybe a few other pictures like this one from Friday night, courtesy of Thing One:

Random, sort of

Well, Shirtless asked awhile back for 8 random pictures I've taken. Now, my random picture selector seems to have a slight bias lately towards a particular subject, but here's what we've got:

1. Tweetie discovers the open bag of O's while Momma was packing up at the Taylors'.

2. The block on which Tweetie cut tooth number 7 (most of that was done in just over an hour!) Tooth number seven arrived the weekend we came home and she's now working hard on a molar (ouch!).

3. Some pretty sights along the Taylors' driveway.

4. Our future engineer (one of a number of vocations she's trying on for size)

5. Bleach keeping the Bear's bed warm.

6. The cabinet-maker assists me with assembling the bookshelf.

7. More pretty driveway things.

8. Proof that our basement is at least half an inch too short. (We'd love to add about 2 feet, really)

9. Yes, that's more than eight, but there's always room for Dr. Seuss!

The best kind

Mmmm... It's good to be home. Most of all to sleep in my own bed again. Even Tweetie liked that idea when we got in last night. A real crib with a mattress thicker than an inch, and her big air filter white noise generator, and her bedtime lullabyes on CD. I put her in her crib and she was snuggling her face into the mattress before I could get the sleeping bag zipped up around her. Then there was the obligatory protest, but it was brief and half-hearted.
But it was a good road trip, especially the last leg up with our friends the Goddess and Badger. The Badger had lined up some work for the Bear, so he was kept pretty busy, which is always good. Whenever we have the chance to spend time with them, I come to appreciate their friendship even more, and I wish it were easier to stop by more often. They're the kind of friends you can just be yourself with. And you feel a part of their family as the stuff of life goes on. They'd just officially finished a year of renovation on their new home, and as you'd expect, there were a few loose ends. So we jumped in wherever we fit best. From the Bear helping the Badger with wiring and sound - flashbacks to their days as church sound techs - to my helping with baking or mopping the floor. That last one, oddly, was as much for my benefit as anyone else. The catharsis of making a floor clean when my hands are free is, for me, a strange side effect of early motherhood. You would never guess this by the state of my own floor on any given day, it's just one of the things that feels good when I can actually get it done.
But I most appreciate what happens when we're around for more than a few hours. The threads of conversations that weave in and out as the days pass. The Goddess and I share a distaste for phones. It's just not a channel that works well for us. But she's a very good listener, and whatever our hands are busy with when she's around, we can chat. And when the misfit pieces of a messy life come to the surface I find them a little easier to look at. And when we've gone over missed steps, rough terrain and uncertain direction on my current path, I walk away feeling a little less lost, knowing someone's been there.
That's the best kind of friend.

A long night.

Okay, so there haven't exactly been waves of great posts rolling in on this coastal spot lately. Not that I haven't thought of you all, I just haven't had a lot of time, and more significantly, I haven't had my own laptop handy.
Our little road trip is winding down, and we're heading home. I'm sitting here in a hotel in Smithers, hoping T will finally fall asleep soon. Overall she's been a great little traveler, but today has taught us that morning trips work much better for her than disrupting her evening routine.
Wait. Did you hear that? Oops, spoke too soon. Another sputter and squirm, but it's getting quieter. She's been fussing and tossing and crawling around since we rolled in about three hours ago. As soon as it stays quiet I'm signing off this post, but there should be more soon, as tomorrow will be a day more like our other traveling days. We'll be heading out early, ideally packing the car while she's still mostly asleep and at most feeding her a bottle and loading her up in the car before she's fully awake. We pulled a couple of 9+ hour legs that way a couple of weeks ago on the way up, and she handled it pretty well.
hmmm... silence. I'm off to finish the bottles and get me to bed.
Cheers

Aging

Yup, it's something we all do, and it's the one thing I can say with certainty that I never procrastinate on. I do a little every day so it's not such a shock at the next marker. And so the latest one passed quite gracefully. Mostly. And if you're wondering, I've never really kept it a secret. I marked a quarter century shortly after our wedding, and we recently marked a decade of marriage, so if you do the math, that makes me thirty-five.
As it happened, the Bear was out of town on my birthday, but he left a day later than planned so he could take me for a nice dinner first. I spent a good part of the actual day packing, doing laundry and sorting papers to be dropped off to the bookkeeper before I left to join the Bear. I then got birthday greetings all the way up the line, starting with a night at my mom's, a morning stop at my sister's, a visit with our old friends in K-town, and a late birthday cake when I caught up to the Bear at my in-laws. And LOTS of strawberries at every stop, which I've always associated with good birthdays.
Like most things these days, though, my perspective is a little different. I don't feel old at all, but perhaps I'm conscious of being not quite so young. And when I think about being thirty-five, I think about when I started to be aware of my own mother's birthdays and her age. It was her mid-thirties. (Oddly, I don't have nearly such clear memories of my dad aging, though he was born in the same year as my mom). By the time Tweetie reaches that point, I'll be into that next decade. The number doesn't really matter much, but I'm gonna have to work a little harder at keeping myself in good shape to keep up with her. And I do feel like lately I've wanted to work a little harder at procrastinating. Or at least being a bit less effective. I can't stop the clock, but I can limit what I let it tell me.
Here's to living fully to as many more birthdays as I'm granted.

Papa's day

Lest anyone think I'd neglected the Bear on his first Father's Day as one, rest assured he was not forgotten. I think I came up with the near perfect gift for him at this time and occasion (IMHO). Something to share with Tweetie.
I picked up a bike child carrier trailer at MEC, and the Bear took it out for a test spin in the afternoon.

Tweetie took it all in stride, though this next shot might be considered false advertising. The happy grin only came after they stopped and, camera ready, I sang the first line of Five Green and Speckled Frogs - she really, really likes that song.

She also wore her freshly minted Father's Day shirt for the occasion. It was remarkably hard to get a clear shot. She wouldn't stop dancing around!

And lest there be any doubt which bear's her papa, this one's marked with three toes.

Sidewalk refreshment

I was a grumpy mum this morning. We were up earlier than usual, and I had a lot of stuff running through my mind. A good walk helped a bit, a little snooze too, and I confess a bit of unloading on some good friends via e-mail.
But the most pleasant part of my day so far was just a little while ago. Tweetie's rather unsettled today, so I opted to practice walking with her out front again. Caught the neighbour's daughter-in-law heading for her van and we got to chatting, which turned into an impromptu playdate right on the sidewalk. Their little girl's a real cutie. She's about twice Tweetie's age, but with the Down Syndrome and related health issues, they're at almost the same place developmentally. We just sat on the sidewalk and chatted about mom things and life in general, and kept the girls from poking each other until we both knew they were overdue for feeding. It was most refreshing.
The neighbour's been renovating and his son is here most nights working on the house, so I'm looking forward to hanging out again some time.

Tagged

Tex over at the Maru was tagged this week and proceeded to tag me, among others. Here's the rules I'm loosely obliged to follow (we seem to have started a little rebellion over rules).

1: People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
2: At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
3: You may need to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog

So here are eight random things you may or may not know, or care to know, about me.

1. When I was a kid my hair was so blonde and fine a friend told me I looked bald when we were in the pool.
2. I played trombone in the band. Never was one for the road most travelled. I still have my 'bone on a shelf, and I'd consider playing it again if I had some context. I taught three other girls to play, too. Before that I played banjo. Well, I took banjo lessons, anyway. Gave the banjo away awhile back. I also sang tenor in vocal jazz and chamber choir. I miss singing the most, especially with a group willing to work hard on getting it just right.
3. I studied computer science at UVic as a stepping stone to architecture school, but I never stepped. Sometimes things change. When I go back to work following mat leave in (AACKK!) seven weeks, I'll be putting on my techno geek hat again. Right over my current favourite and always present headgear: Mamma.
4. I once fell for a guy whose lives to be the hero. Many kinds of hero. Random acts of kindness hero. Balance the scales of justice hero. Hero with the cool toys and crazy tales. I think his personal favourite is the nobody-else-coulda-ever-pulled-that-off hero. Keeping a hero ready to go and well-stocked with clean capes is hard work, but more than ten years later, he's still mine.
   
   half-way there, gotta think up some more stuff.
   
   
5. I can do the wave with my eyebrows.
6. If I had the opportunity to go back to school at this point, I think I'd do a Masters of Christian Studies at Regent College. A number of reasons, but one big one is that they offer a concentration in Christianity and the Arts. And they don't limit their definition of arts to music and drama. So hard to find much real discussion around visual arts, and to actually take time to do research on it and do work in that kind of context? Mmmm, very tempting.
7. We have a daughter, nine months old today. The Bear's sister has two girls, his little brother two boys (so far). My sister has two kids, one of each. So in theory, if we had another and it was a little boy, both our extended families would be all balanced out. I've always kinda liked the number three, but I've also kinda grown attached to being married ;)
8. I've been to Europe once with each of my parents as a kid and once with the Bear in 2000. We've been talking about a trip to Africa where we could visit some of our missionary friends from MAF.

So that covers eight random things. Now there's the tagging of others. I still can't come up with anywhere near eight that haven't already been tagged; Perhaps we're a bit incestuous here in our blog circle. Or maybe it's 'cause there's a lot of folks that read us and don't post comments to let us know who and where they are. Anywhere, I'll go half way. To Shirtless, Viscountess, the R. Pletts, and Poisho (cause you're waay overdue for an update anyway), "Tag, you're it!" Some of you have your hands rather full with various things right now, but that's OK, I did away with the time limit.

Favourite meal ideas?

Yes, I am on a quest for input, so all you folks who read but never post comments, scratch your heads and by all means put your two bits in.

I hate to think about it, but I'll be heading back to work in less than two months. The Bear does the lion's share of cooking 'round here, but as a rule we kinda get around to food when we get hungry enough, and that's typically not long before we get to bed. Once I'm back at work during the day, my time's going to be even tighter than it is now, and I'd like to get into eating at a more conventional time (as opposed to after all the bottles and formula are prepped and I'm already half asleep). But to make that happen, I think I'll have to step up to the plate and at very least do some serious meal planning ahead of time and get things started after work if the Bear's absorbed elsewhere. But we've gotten so lazy in recent years - even worse since Tweetie arrived - that our current concept of meal planning is making sure we have enough MREs from Costco in the freezer. That's not the only thing we eat, it's just the default when we're not inspired over what to run to the store and buy ingredients for at the last minute.
So, I'm looking for a little help. Some inspiration to jumpstart a good meal planning habit. My ideal criteria (though I'm open to lots of things that don't fit) is simple stuff, can be made in large portions and makes good leftovers, can be cooked with minimal attention after initial prep (so if I'm taking my turn I don't need to choose between burning dinner or neglecting Tweetie), few dishes used, and lots of simple, common ingredients we can keep as staples.

Send me what ya got!

Good day

I absolutely love days like this. The sun is shining, but it's cool in the morning, so you've slept well and the air is fresh. If I could live my entire life in late May and June, I would. When I was a kid, of course, a big part of the attraction was school was almost done and my birthday was coming. Now, it's the long days, ensuring that whatever hours I'm working, I get to enjoy a bit of daylight, and I can wear cool, comfortable things in the office. Sandals. Perhaps even a loose skirt (for those of you in shock at that last item, yes, I do own one, and I actually do like wearing them if it's warm enough to skip the nylons).
Best of all, it's the kind of weather where I find it really easy, if you can find that moment, to enter into a place of grace and be still before the Lord.
That's how my day started. I woke up gently, that is without any urgent paging, and stretched awhile in bed in the vain hope that my feet would be functional by the time I got to the steps. Downstairs I let the dogs out and fished out a bottle for the still dreaming Tweetie. In the basement I dished out the dogs' breakfast and let them back in, then headed back up. Grabbed the warming bottle and a glass of juice for myself, then back up the main stairs to the nursery and my comfy feeding and prayer chair.
A short time of stillness and listening, then prayer for a couple of folks with big days ahead. (One goes for knee surgery today, the other's off work starting today to get ready for her wedding on Saturday - woohoo!) Not my longest or deepest time, but it felt just right for today, and it left me just time to get a good start on this post before Tweetie awoke. Actually. I was typing away and looked back over my shoulder to see to big beautiful eyes staring up at me. And when I looked back there erupted her great good morning smile. It bodes well for the rest of the day, so I'd best get on with it.
Hope you all have a good one, too!

Are you in there?

These days are full of surprises and new developments. The surprises are cool and really scary all at the same time. Like when I put Tweetie down sometime this morning on the floor, pretty certain it was on her back. At this point she'll roll over, spin and push her way around the floor until she finds an obstacle, but I didn't expect to come back a minute later and find her sitting up in the corner! Bathtime found her exploiting the low-g environment of water to push herself from sitting to standing. And last week while the Goddess was here, Tweetie started saying something resembling 'khah-tah-khah-tah-kh' whenever either of our cats crossed her path. Of course, we then went to the Bear's dad's for almost a week where there were no cats, but a couple of nieces repeatedly asking, "Can you say 'cat?'" She fell quite silent, but seems to be warming up the vocal chords again since we came home. And it's still anybody's guess whether she'll walk or crawl first, as she's making steady progress on both. She even started grinding her five little teeth, which definitely surprised mem, though her dental hygienist aunt assures me it's nothing to worry about.
But tonight I added a new special moment that I just had to share. The Bear's out of town until the end of the week, and whenever we're apart we always check in at the end of the day to pray goodnight. Tweetie was asleep early tonight, and was still out when the Bear called, but a few minutes into the call she awoke in another small coughing fit. I picked her out of her crib to help her work it out, and when the coughing subsided briefly, I took the phone from my other shoulder and put it on speaker phone so we could keep talking. The Bear greeted Tweetie, and her face lit up with happy recognition, laced with a trace of confusion as she looked at the little speaking box.
I'd kinda suspected she was missing the furry face.

Don't miss the point

This past Mother's Day was my first as a full-fledged mamma, and I naturally found myself looking back over the last eight months. In reflecting on how my life has changed and the things I've learned, one common thread was how often already we've needed to revise our plans for the ideal child-bearing and raising experience. It has come up in conversation with other moms as well, so I thought I'd put forth my thoughts on handling those changes for this week's Works for me Wednesday.
We all want to do the very best we can for these young lives in our care, and the lists of shoulds and ought tos start coming at us long before they're even born. They come from health care professionals, churches, media, advertisements, and just about every person we encounter. We did a lot of filtering, weighing all these lists against our own values and experiences to form our own plan. And then Tweetie arrived and brought her own reality. We've since had to revisit our ideas on breastfeeding, health management, development, boundaries and more.
A mom friend recently commented to me that I'm pretty laid back about all these changes, wondering how it is that I don't flip out like the other new moms. My response first had to include a confession. I do flip out, I just tend to do it quietly at home. And I pray a lot for peace and perspective. But from a strictly practical perspective, there's one thing that's helped a lot, especially when it comes to that all too common sense of failure.
When circumstances dictate that my plan or ideal can't be followed as I'd envisioned, I try hard to look at the big picture, especially the values and objectives behind the plan. What were the reasons we originally set this goal? Is the plan achieving what I'd wanted? Is the actual cost of following this plan - in time, money or impact on other objectives - in line with the value we put on this goal? Is there a change I can make that better serves all the values that our plans were based on? Sometimes one ideal gives way for something bigger. Sometimes we just find that we weren't so smart when we first thought of a given plan.
I've asked myself what were the reasons that I wanted to breastfeed Tweetie? How does continuing to nurse and pump meet that goal? Does the benefit of continuing outweigh the cost to other objectives, like spending time just playing with Tweetie? The inevitable answer was no, and while I'm still a little disappointed I know I made the right decision to switch her to formula. Later I asked what is my objective in starting early pottying? Am I still getting that benefit if we don't catch every pee or poop? Since reducing diapers and early 'graduation' were merely happy sidebars for me, it's been easy to relax and not worry if we have an off day in our communication (lots of those come with sickness or teething) or if other schedule needs mean I can't respond when I otherwise would (like when we're driving three hours to Calgary to catch a 2 hour flight home).
There are many big decisions and plans ahead of us in the years to come, and I expect I'll have to send myself back to read my own post a time or two. All I can suggest to you is to remember why you were trying to go down a given road in the first place, and make sure you don't miss the point. It usually works for me.

Out of the roaring silence

Yes, it's been a little quiet here, and by here, I mean Gone Coastal. It's been anything but at home.

This may be a short post while everyone (most specifically Tweetie) is still asleep. Odds are good when Tweetie wakes she'll wake up crying, as she did a few times last night. I only had to tend to her the one time, and that was alright. For one, I was still up anyway, preparing formula, so it didn't involve that violent jolt from deep, sweet sleep to triage mode. And more importantly, it didn't take long to figure out why she was upset. A quick sweep of my finger in her mouth and I think tooth number five had poked through. I'll do a more thorough verification today sometime when my sweetheart's not crying out in agony.

Between teething and the headcold we shared the past week, there've been more overnight disruptions lately than I'm accustomed to. It all balances out as we learn more about who she's becoming. Besides, it keeps me mindful of our friends Shirtless and Tiny who are still in their first week with their first child.
And I've been having too much fun having the Goddess here with us to be bothered by it. I will blame the Goddess, however, for my not posting sooner. I've been yackin' with her in whatever spare moments come up in the day.
Saturday, we were off in Sidney with Raven, my Sunday art friend. We poked about in various galleries, and determined that the Sidney Gallery Walk brochure needs some serious updating. I think they should also add a bookstore tour, as that place is full of them. Sunday we hung around in the morning, walking the dogs, then went for a drive up the coast. It turned out to be a bit too cool on the exposed coast to do much exploring or puttering, but it was still a nice drive. Yesterday we hung around for the morning. I finally got the safety gate/fence fully installed across the living room while she was napping, and in the afternoon we went downtown for a bit and found more galleries and bookstores.
But the best part of such a visit is always the days long rambling conversations that let you air out the thoughts you've been chewing through on your own on things that matter in life. And sharing little experiences first hand with a like minded soul. Little experiences like watching Tweetie go from pushing along on her belly to lifting up on hands and knees on her own (had to get a little bragging in, didn't I?).
The Goddess is heading north again tomorrow, and we'll be heading east to the prairies till next week. Don't know when we'll get together again, but I'm sure it'll feel like too long. We're off to make the most of the sunshine today.
(By the way, Tweetie woke up quite gently after all, with a content little smile on her face. Tooth number five is all that much closer to the surface, but not quite through, and number six is lining up for its turn on the other side.)

We have arrived...

...at the starting gate. Today marks Yesterday marked ten years of blissful marriage for the Bear and I. Okay, ten years of ups and downs, trials and triumphs. But ten very worthwhile years.
I don't remember the exact context, but somewhere in the last year I heard someone describe any marriage less than ten years as a 'starter marriage'. (Sadly, among a lot of folks I've worked with, that term is applied to their first, short-lived marriage. I'm thankful to not be in that situation). His point was that much of the first ten years is spent figuring things out. Looking back at all the lessons learned, about what's really important to us, how to understand each other, and what we really meant by all those things we said when we were dating, I'd have to agree there's a lot of truth to it.
We made it this far, and that's worth celebrating. We went out for a nice dinner, just the two of us. A big thanks goes out to our friends up the block for taking Tweetie for the evening, handling two eight-month-olds together. They look pretty cute together actually, and their son, being just over a week younger, often tries to copy Tweetie's tricks in the days following a playdate.
I often think I would've liked to have started our family sooner, but when I look at some of the ground we've covered in our marriage, and the refining work God's done in both of us in that time, I know that our little girl is already ahead, even if her parents are finding it harder to keep up these days. I hope to spend the next few decades building on this foundation, and I hope when Tweetie's grown and possibly ready to get married herself, we'll have provided something she can aspire to in her own marriage.
Here's to the journey!

Reflecting

Yesterday I attended a funeral. A former colleague had passed away from a sudden illness. I never worked closely with him, having only a few overlaps where I was tasked with something he had worked on previously, or vice versa. But you didn't have to work closely, or very long, around this man to appreciate his dedication, his warmth or his sense of humour. This was evidenced by the incredible turnout for the service: standing room only at the reception hall of the golf club where he was a member. They had to open the back doors and overflow into the common area of the restaurant. Colleagues, both from his current and former careers. Family. Golfing buddies. People he grew up with. Many from out of town.
The service was a wonderful celebration of his life. Those who spoke shared many stories of his humour, and how he treated everyone around him, whatever their role or abilities, with equal respect. He will be missed.
To my knowledge, he has never known the Lord.