Gone Coastal

Saturday, July 05, 2008

A change in direction

The compass is pointing north for us. Okay, the compass needle, if it's working, always points to magnetic north. So, let's just say that if we turn and face down the only path that seems to go anywhere, we'd be facing roughly north-northwest.


Some of you know it's been a dry winter for us. Well, except for the flood in the upstairs bathroom, which made everything below it rather wet. But as far as the Bear's work and the company, the things that we were expecting to take us through the winter just dried up. So between whatever small jobs came up here and there, and doing some major sorting and purging of all our stuff - a very good thing if you need to know - the Bear has been pounding the virtual pavement looking for steady work close to home. Some really exciting possibilities came up along the way, and he proved himself very adept at jumping through whatever hoops people put up for him, but every time there's been some kind of roadblock at the end.
And now, finally, it looks like there's an open door for us. The Bear has a job offer up north. It's a good job. It would be a stretch for the Bear, with a steep learning curve, which makes him nervous, but I think he could pull it off. It's also a long way from what has really started to feel like home, and we're struggling to come to grips with all that entails, and to determine if this is going to be a good move for us.
The north has been on our radar for quite awhile now, due mostly to our connections with the Badger and Goddess, and the contract work the Bear has done up there over the last couple of years. And I've been open to relocating, at least in theory. But there's a lot involved for us, especially now that we've got two kids to take along. I'm just longing for some sense that this is truly where we're supposed to go. That we're not simply trading my good job here - which I'd be back to in a year - for a potentially good job up there for the Bear.
I talked to my managers this past week about taking an additional year's leave after my maternity leave, so that we'd have enough time to give the new job and northern life a fair shot. I'd hoped for some clear sign from that, but things went very predictably: they'll look into it and start the process. We'll be waiting on that still, as neither the Bear nor I are comfortable cutting ties with my employer without some much clearer sign that this is more than another detour.
I also have to consider what life will be like up there when I'm home with the kids. Things have so far gone far more smoothly with the second baby than they did the first time around. Some of that is simply due to some seasoning on my part - I've been there, done that. But a lot of it is also the network I've begun to build up of moms, and some of the little things that are available nearby here. Wonderful daycare just down the street. Clinic, groceries, pharmacy, a number of parks and playgrounds plus other distractions, all within walking distance. All that of course really translates to 'something to do to get out of the house with the kids and keep from losing my mind.' The lack of certain conveniences I think I can adjust to. But I'm wary of circumstances that might make me susceptible to post partum depression again, when things have gone so well so far this time.
Now I should be very clear here. I don't see heading north as all negative, or just a great sacrifice for a job. One thing I especially look forward to is regular face time with the Goddess. We've swapped so many e-mails over the last few years that included wishes that we could just get together over a cuppa. And I smile every time I do another of those blasted Likeness quizzes on crackbook and the Goddess again gets the highest match score with me.
I've also often thought it would be good for our kids to spend at least some of their growing up years outside the mainstream homogenized city life, to know first hand that there's something else. And to be exposed to a different culture than our own, simply so that 'different' becomes quite normal to them and they look beyond that to the individual people.
And I think there is something to be said for the slower pace of northern life - though I'll admit it may take me a bit to throttle back. So we shall see. We'll be heading up later this week for a few days to allow me to check things out and evaluate whether we can make this work. Officially, the Bear's acceptance is contingent on my giving the OK.

A final note:
This has been a hard post to get out. Initially, it was just finding the time to start it. But once I started, I rattled off a few paragraphs, and quickly got to a point where I wasn't completely sure where my heart was at. Or the thoughts on some aspect weren't complete and I couldn't put together a balanced picture. I'd come back to it in the morning, or the end of the day, write a bit more and get lost again. And some of that is ongoing, but I think it's helped push me through the process and define what is really important for me as we look at heading up there and eventually making final decisions.

I'll keep you posted.

2 Comments:

  • Here are some hugs.

    Hug hug

    I'm praying for you to have a generous measure of peace. And the coffee's on.

    By Blogger Roberta Taylor, at 9:13 AM  

  • You seemed to do a good job of summing up the good and difficult points of a move like that. I love the area you are thinking about moving to. The pace is definitely different but in a good way. When there aren't the conveniences of city life, it is interesting what fills the time and space. Activities arrive like, home cooking, baking, music, art, reading, wandering, pondering, people, and as Val would say, gaming! Good planning is the key but you are already good at that! I hope the visit goes well and I'll pray that you get a sense of God's direction.

    By Anonymous jem, at 9:34 AM  

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