needing to write

I'm almost overwhelmed with the need to write tonight. Oh, I often want to write, long to even. Mostly I take moments to wish I had more time to sit down and enjoy the process of writing. Right now, I should probably be curled up in bed, asleep. In fact, I am in bed. I'd already shut down my laptop downstairs, dutifully checking to see what needs - really needs - doing tonight. Thinking I should take advantage of the Friday night status that means I don't need to have things lined up for the kids in the morning. Thinking I should get to bed early.

But it's been so long since I talked to you all. The kids are growing and changing so fast. Life's progressing, up and down and in and out. And some things go on day after day.
I think, no, I know, that there's one thing that's fired up the need to write in me tonight. I stumbled across a blog the other day while looking up postpartum screening to try and find out what my 'score' meant. Postpartum Progress is written by a woman who suffered from postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder, and who has since become a major advocate around perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. I went back there tonight for a closer look. I am so glad I did, and I'll be visiting again. I read only a few brief posts, but I felt tears welling up, and just beginning to spill over. That in itself was actually a good thing. If I'm honest with myself, so much of my energy some days goes into just getting on with what needs doing, and the emotions get kinda buried. Sometimes I've taken the moment and needed to cry, but just couldn't.
I would highly recommend this site to anyone who is dealing with similar struggles, or knows someone who is, or just wants to understand it more. For that matter, even if you just want an example of a brilliant resource blog, check it out.

So, now that I'm writing anyways, here are a few random updates before I call it a night.
Eli is healthy. And growing in so many ways. I took him for his six month shots (yes, he's now seven months, but it's been a little crazy, eh?) on Tuesday. That was also the first time he was weighed since Hallowe'en. He's just shy of a very solid 10 kilos or 22 pounds. That's a gain of 1.6 kg or over three and a half pounds. And at that, he's not super round. He's just big. He's got broad shoulders, if you can believe that in a baby. He's outgrowing things because I can't get both arms in without contorting him horribly. At this point anything I buy is 18 month or more. He's starting to take over Trin's shirts (nothing too girly, guys) almost as fast as she outgrows them. She's 4 times his age, and she's not exactly tiny either! I expect it won't be more than a year or so before he's giving her his hand me downs ;)
Trin's becoming more outgoing these days. As Shannon put it, seeing her this week after two weeks off, her personality is flowering. And I think she's finally over being ticked off at me for having another baby. She never took it out on her little bro, thankfully, but she was definitely unhappy with me about it. I suspect she's still a little unhappy, but now it's more because I don't have the time and energy to be much fun most of the time. Which makes me a little sad of course. But the kids get along. Sometimes, I'm quite sure they're conspiring, or at least sharing some great inside jokes. I'll be halfway down the stairs with one on each hip and they'll start giggling hysterically at each other. Eli's got such an adorable giggle, too.
I've been back at work for a couple of months now. Thankfully, I haven't had a full assignment load, and working from home, it's allowed me to keep a bit more balance. I'm wary, though, as that period of grace may well be coming to an end next week. There's a full time position on another project that I'm being lined up for, with some preliminary work starting right away. It'll be lots of God's grace that'll get me through, then. And I'll need to be pretty assertive at setting expectations up front as far as how much (or little) I can work and when.
Vince has been at his new job for a little over a month now, and is racking up the overtime, which will definitely be helpful in starting to fill in the financial hole we dug ourselves into over the last year or so.
More stats and tidbits. Trin's well on the road to ditching the diaper habit. She's been telling Shannon when she needs to poop (another sort of flowering) at daycare, and I'll be dressing her in her much loved big girl underpants when she's home with me. Eli's got five teeth now, and I'm pretty sure he's working on more again. He can stand holding on to furniture. He can also pull furniture down, like the kitchen chairs and the jolly jumper stand. He's gone from being a 'hold me all day' mama's boy to a 'put me down already' adventurer in the last few weeks. And like his big sister, he's a sweetheart almost all the time, always at daycare, and saves his best tantrums for mama at the end of the day.
I bought a bunch of material at a holiday sale at Fabricland, all cotton stuff for my sensitive skinned boy. Even bought a pattern. With luck I'll get to sewing it for my grand kids. Hmm... maybe I can wrangle Mor-mor into sewing for me....

I know there's more in the corners of my mind, but what's left is wedged in tight for the moment, and I'm all out of ramble. So, for all you hangers on that still check in (or have me on your feeds) thanks for sticking with me, hope this was worth the wait and will satisfy you for what may be another long while.
Good night.